Star Trek Into Lameness

Okay, I enjoyed the Star Trek reboot that came out in 2009, despite the many flaws that film had.  But Into Darkness is an absurd film where it seems that any small amount of character development is just a brief segue from one convoluted action scene to another.  It felt less like the Star Trek that I know and love and more like Transformers in Space.  Here are a few problems I had with the film:

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS!

Where do I start?  Probably right at the beginning, where all of Star Trek history is ignored and the Enterprise can now magically fly through the atmosphere, land, and go under-water.  Now this isn't just a result of this being an alternate timeline, as the technology can't just materialize out of nowhere, and TNG demonstrates that even a hundred or so years later in the normal timeline, Troi still can't land the Enterprise D on a planet.  In fact, one of the big technological advances in the Star Trek universe is when Voyager comes along and, being a much smaller ship, now has the ability to land on the surface of a planet.  But the much older original Enterprise having this capability well before the technology was established as having been developed, ridiculous.

Look guys!  I'm a submarine!  Wait, no, I'm a spaceship!  No! I'm a fish-bird-ship!

Speaking of ridiculous technology, what's with the transporter device that Starfleet has that can transport someone to the other side of the galaxy?  Why keep building ships if you can just transport things from one place to any other, with distance not being a major factor?  Now that the technology exists, it would be insane to not utilize it all the time.  It was a crutch the writers utilize without thinking about the consequence of such a technology existing, as now any other means of transportation is a stupid waste of time and energy.

I probably could have gotten over those two things, but the everyone-is-in-danger-of-dying-action-scenes to character development and story ratio is pretty sad.  The movie seems to just jump from one action scene where characters are in danger of dying to another action scene where characters are in danger of dying.  There is very little downtime between these action scenes, and by the end I was quite bored with the improbability that the crew members would survive so many back-to-back near-death scenarios.  I think Spock almost died about 76 times during the movie and Kirk almost died 483 times.  When nearly every single scene is a life-and -death situation, it just ends up cheapening the danger and they all turn into a bland mishmash of over the top action.

One of Star Trek's most beloved tenants and the driving force behind Starfleet, The Prime Directive, is what makes the Star Trek universe what it is.  Yet at every twist and turn, the writers like to point out how much they enjoy violating it.  Spock claims to obey it (not be seen by the primitive society), yet the very first scene has him jumping into a volcano to stop it from exploding (you know, interfering with a primitive culture and events, which violates the Prime Directive).  Don't get me wrong, I'm not forgetting Star Trek: Insurrection where this very same sort of interference occurs (along with many instances of violations in TOS and subsequent series), but since the writers make a point of Spock logically and calculatingly adhering to policy (as he claims in the new movie), it doesn't make sense that he was even willing to participate in the first place, as he was under no pressure or strain, yet chose to violate the Prime Directive anyway (contradicting his claims of following policy).

These are just a couple of the things I found lacking and many things were just absurd (Spock's "KHAAAANNN!" moment was so cheesy it almost made me laugh out loud, yet I think they intended it to be dramatic and poignant).  I know that it seems I'm nitpicking, but add up all the problems with the new movie and you end up with something that is Star Trek in name, but lacks all of the spirit and characteristics that made the show what we loved.  J.J. has shown his true colors as not being a Trek lover by Michael Baying the movie.  I hope Star Wars takes up all his time and that they get someone who really cares about things like story, character, and the Star Trek canon to make the next movie.  With that, I'll leave you with this picture of a completely useless and meaningless character who was added as a non-essential plot device, but looks good in her underwear.

Gravity's Rainbow review

Although I read this book a while ago, it seems that it is my most "liked" review on Goodreads, so I thought I'd share it here.

Title: Gravity's Rainbow
Author: Pynchon, Thomas
Penguin Classics Deluxe Edition
Published October 31st 2006 by Penguin Books (first published 1973)
ISBN: 0143039946 (ISBN13: 9780143039945)

Hundreds of unimportant characters, dozens of instances of pedophilia, unending passages that ramble on and on with no actions or information of consequence, drug and sexual organ obsessions, and fecal matter galore! If all of these sound like what you enjoy in literature, then this is the book for you. While a great master of vocabulary, Pynchon just doesn't know when to quit. It seems that any time there is any hint that the story might be progressing, Pynchon has to go off on a barely related tangent for ten or twenty pages, rarely returning to or referencing this material again. While Laurance Sterne (The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman) managed to employ "the tangent" with aplomb, Pynchon takes them to such excess that I can't help but say he is a literary glutton, prone to verbose over-indulgence.

When I start a book, I finish it. It has taken me over a year and a half to get through this book because every time I read a little bit, I dislike it so much that I end up picking up another book to read instead. I'm well aware that I am bucking the trend by not liking this book, but it seems that the high ratings are in part due to pseudo-intellectuals reveling in the knowledge that they 'get it' and the rest of us just don't. While I do admit that Pynchon managed to write a very dense (as in "packed to the brim with information"), cryptic, and nigh unfathomable tome, those attributes are overwhelmed by the plodding narrative, explicit perversion (I know, that is a personal, rather than technical, fault), and lack of character development (I didn't learn enough about the hordes of characters to care about any single one of them). The intelligentsia may turn up their noses at my [obviously] inferior taste and comprehension, but nonetheless, I stand by my opinion. Gravity's Rainbow is quite possibly the worst book I've ever read.

Saranac root beer

Background information: (from the website) "Our Hand-crafted Saranac Root Beer is made in small batches in our own hometown Brewery. The flavor will take you to the fresh root beer taste from days-gone-by.  We make our Saranac Root Beer with the best of ingredients - look for the fresh vanilla and licorice notes. Saranac Root Beer has the trademark rich, creamy head that only a real Brewery Root Beer can achieve."

(from the bottle) "In 1888, when our small brewery was founded, real rich, creamy root beers were not uncommon.  Thirty years ago, we brought this tradition back with the introduction of real brewery-fresh root beer on draft in our brewery's 1888 tavern.  Our Saranac root beer has been acclaimed by consumers from all 50 states and over 100 countries.  We hope you'll enjoy it too."


Product details: 12 fl. oz.  The Matt Brewing Company, Utica, NY. 180 calories, 46g sugar.  Glass bottle with twist off top.  http://www.saranac.com/page/root-beer


Ingredients: Filtered water, high fructose corn syrup, caramel color, sodium benzoate (preserves freshness), natural & artificial flavors, citric acid.


My thoughts: It's been a little while since my last root beer, so perhaps my tastebuds would have been satisfied with anything, but this is awfully good.  The drink starts off with a nice hearty root beer flavor, not the artificial kind, but the delicious natural tasting stuff.  Behind this rooty taste there is something else just beneath the surface, but becomes more apparent as the rootiness dies down and the other flavors take over. This provides a complex, but pleasant aftertaste of vanilla, wintergreen, and a little licorice.  Not only is the flavor great, but this root beer is nice and creamy as well.  Carbonation is just perfect and if there were one thing I could change about this root beer, it would be swapping the high fructose corn syrup, which leaves a bit of a coating in my mouth, for cane sugar instead.  But a minor quibble for an excellent root beer.


Rating: A-
flavor: A-
aftertaste: A
sweetness: B-
smoothness: A
carbonation: A

Fitz's root beer

Background information: (from the website) "Fitz's Root Beer first appeared in St. Louis at a local drive-in restaurant back in 1947. Famous for its tasty draft root beer and hamburgers, Fitz's quickly became a local tradition. After sadly disappearing for a number of years, Fitz's Root Beer was revived in 1993 when Fitz's Bottling Company, America's original soda microbrewery opened in the historic and vibrant Delmar Loop. Please come watch us bottle Fitz's Premium Sodas while sipping on a frosty mug of root beer and enjoying some good homemade food from our diverse American menu."

"Fitz's Root Beer, our flagship soda, is made according to an original recipe developed in St. Louis in 1947. Our unique formula features fine ingredients including select natural roots, spices, barks and is exclusively sweetened with all natural pure cane sugar. Thanks to its robust and creamy flavor, Fitz's Root Beer has been recognized as one of the best root beers in the United States. We keg Fitz's Root Beer in 15 gallon barrels in our bottling room right inside our restaurant and serve it ice cold right out of the tap."

(from the bottle) "Original Recipe Since 1947"


Product details: 12 fl. oz.  Fitz's Bottling Co, St. Louis, MO. 160 calories, 40g sugar.  Glass bottle with twist off top.  http://www.fitzsrootbeer.com/


Ingredients: Filtered carbonated water, all natural pure cane sugar, natural flavors, caramel color, vanillin, sodium benzoate (preserves freshness) and citric acid.


My thoughts: Fitz's starts off with a subdued, but pleasant and simple rootyness that tastes very natural.  There is a hint of vanilla that grows in strength as the root beer flavor fades, becoming the dominant aftertaste.  I like it.  Other than those two flavors, there doesn't seem to be too much at work here other than a vague hint of wintergreen cooling, which is a pleasant and understated addition.  It seems slightly sweet, but doesn't have an overly sugary feel to it.  Carbonation is nicely balanced with the flavor, neither hiding it nor disappearing underneath the taste.  This drink also feels crisp, though slightly held back by the sweetness, yet smooth at the same time.  For some reason I wasn't expecting Fitz's to be that great, so it was a pleasant surprise when it delivered an perfectly good root beer expereience.


Rating: B+
flavor: B
aftertaste: B+
sweetness: B-
smoothness: B
carbonation: A-

Bulldog root beer

Background information: (from the website) "Award winning honey root beer. Complex flavor blending root beer extracts, vanilla and organic honey. Sweetened with cane sugar, this top rated root beer is a rich blend of all the right ingredients for the perfect root beer flavor experience. Bottled in long neck glass bottles, each batch is made fresh at our facility in Mukilteo, WA. 12 - 12 oz. long neck glass bottled sodas."

(from the bottle) "Unleash the Taste"


Product details: 12 fl. oz.  Orca Beverage Soda Works, Mukilteo, WA 98275. 160 calories, 41g sugar.  Glass bottle with twist off top.  http://www.orcabeverage.com/


Ingredients: Carbonated water, cane sugar, honey, maltodextrin, natural and artificial flavors, sodium benzoate, real vanilla, phosphoric acid, salt.


My thoughts: Bulldogs bring to mind the attributes of strength, stoutness, and maybe some face puckering, all of which this drink lacks.  It's not a bad root beer by any means, but is extremely underwhelming.  The flavor is fairly tame, but on the weak side.  After the rootiness fades, I'm left with a bit of vanilla flavor and perhaps a touch of honey; nice and pleasant, but also a tad weak.  I like the level of sweetness, one of this drink's strengths.  There is a very glaring weakness, however, as the carbonation is terrible.  As in almost completely flat.  Of course, this makes the drink incredibly smooth, but smoothness should be a balancing act with carbonation, and this one is out of whack.  Despite the good taste, this drink is all bark and no bite, dragged down by lack of carbonation, and isn't one I would particularly recommend.


Rating: C-
flavor: B
aftertaste: B
sweetness: A-
smoothness: B
carbonation: F

Filbert's root beer

Background information: (from the website) "During the early 1900's, George Filbert, his wife and their young son, Charlie, could be seen on a horse-drawn wagon in Chicago's Bridgeport neighborhood delivering bottles of milk to stores and homes. George also delivered ice and coal and provided general moving and transportation services to the Bridgeport community.

It wasn't until the height of prohibition that Filbert's began making Root Beer.

George's son, Charlie who had a love of Root Beer created a recipe that was distinct from other Chicago area bottlers of Root Beer. In 1926 he started making his own "draft style" Root Beer soda.

Since so many establishments had barrel dispensing equipment, it was manufactured in half barrels and supplied mainly to taverns and restaurants.  In fact, during the 1940's, Filbert's was supplying thousands of half barrels of Root Beer to customers across the Midwest.  Filbert's Root Beer supplied the Berghoff Restaurant with its own draft style root beer for over 50 years.

Now 85 years later, Ron Filbert, the fourth generation Filbert, continues to make his families famous Root Beer in the same Bridgeport neighborhood where his Great-Grandfather started it all back in 1926."


Product details: 12 fl. oz.  Distributed by Filbert's Root Beer Co., Chicago, IL 60608.  150 calories, 41g sugar.  Glass bottle with twist off top.  www.filbertsrootbeer.com


Ingredients: Carbonated water, sugar and/or corn sweetener, caramel color, natural & artificial flavors, sodium benzoate (as a preservative).


My thoughts: After looking at the ingredient list and seeing "sugar and/or corn sweetener" llisted, my expectations weren't very high, as cane sugar seems to be the preferred sweetener of the finest root beers (to be fair, many of the worst use cane sugar as well).  Well, this drink is just like the regular canned stuff you find on your grocery store shelf.  It has a moderately artificial and strong root beer flavor, with none of the additional natural spices or flavorings that mark an attempt to be different.  Aftertaste is more of the same, and the usual sugary coating is left behind in my mouth.  Carbonation is pretty good, but nothing too special.  This root beer doesn't try to be anything out of the ordinary, and it succeeds wonderfully at that.  But success isn't always a great virtue, as this root beer is not worth buying over the far cheaper generic stuff.


Rating: C
flavor: C
aftertaste: C
sweetness: C-
smoothness: B
carbonation: B

Tower root beer

Background information: (from the website) "Prospect Hill Beverages, LLC is bringing back Tower Root Beer to the New England area using the original recipe bottled and distributed by Prospect Hill Bottling and Soda Water Co. Tower Root Beer was first established in Somerville, MA in 1914 by Domenick Cusolito who immigrated to the United States from Salina, Italy and settled in the Boston area. After World War II, his sons, Jack, Richard and Paul, assumed the responsibility for the management and operation of the family business. Now, Larry Cusolito, Richard’s son (Domenick’s grandson) is heading up a third-generation of the family, to reintroduce the Tower Root Beer brand in the New England region and re-establish the Cusolito family tradition in the soft drink market.

Tower Root Beer is being bottled by EMPIRE Bottling Works, Inc., a contract bottling company located in Bristol, RI under the ownership of Mr. Ed Borges, until such time as a manufacturing facility can be secured for private production. Mr. Borges’ operation is also a family business with a tradition that goes back to 1930."


Product details: 12 fl. oz.  Prospect Hill Beverages LLC.  150 calories, 41g sugar.  Glass bottle with twist off top.  www.TowerRootBeer.com


Ingredients: Pure carbonate water, cane sugar, natural and artificial flavor, caramel color, sodium benzoate (preserves freshness).


My thoughts: This root beer comes from Boston, and we all know what else is in Boston: Harvard, school of choice for Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerburg.  So does this root beer get liked or does it get banished to the dark corner of our wall, joining ranks with the aunt I never talk to and the political posts by people who haven't the slightest clue what they are taking about?

I have to admit that flavor isn't bad at all.  There is a nice strong rooty taste with a hint of wintergreen.  The aftertaste doesn't really reveal any additional flavors, but gives a vague creamy and almost buttery sensation.  This drink is very smooth.  Sweetness seems dialed in just right and carbonation is well balanced.  Nothing about the drink blows me away, but the parts work together to create a pleasant root beer that is a bit better than I expected.  This root beer gets a "like" in my (Face) book!

Rating: B
flavor: B
aftertaste: B-
sweetness: B
smoothness: B
carbonation: B+